How to take the first step to master your emotions
No one ever had a problem with too much love, joy, happiness, awe, wonder, peace and contentment. But painful emotions like anger, hurt, sadness, guilt, fear and shame? Yikes!
Your emotions are part of your internal guidance system - all of them. As Brene Brown says, “When we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”
You need to experience contrasting emotions to know them. You cannot know joy without knowing sadness. You cannot know calm without knowing anxiety. You cannot know excitement without knowing boredom. You need all the feels!
But most of us were never taught how to master our painful emotions. It’s no one’s fault really. Academic and intellectual knowledge have generally been prioritised over emotional self mastery. Even some new age approaches such as ‘find a better feeling thought’ can be dismissive of emotional pain. It’s like ignoring a child that is crying out for love and comfort - the more we ignore it, the louder it becomes and the pain gets magnified.
Our inability to master painful emotions in healthy ways can result in dysfunctional relationships, health issues, addiction and even impact our finances. But what if there was an easy way to start to learn how to master your painful emotions, to have a healthy connection with emotional pain in the body in a loving way? The good news is that there is!
Most people don’t even know what they’re feeling. That’s why words like ‘meh’ exist. So the very first step to mastering your emotions is simply to name what you’re feeling and this is how you do it:
Put your hands on your chest or other part of your body you feel comfortable with, take a deep breath, feel into the body and say, “I feel [insert emotion] in my body”. This could look like:
“I feel sadness in my body.”
“I feel anxious in my body.”
“I feel frustration in my body.”
If you want to take it up a notch and start to calm the painful emotions (this is not the only way but it is the easiest way that can be done in real time) then say:
“I am allowed to feel [insert emotion] in my body”, or “It safe for me to feel [insert emotion] in my body”, or “[insert emotion” is allow to be felt in my body.
Still struggling to name the emotions? That’s ok. Start a very simple journal that looks like this:
“Today I did [insert activity] and I felt [insert emotion]. Feel free to insert both the positive and painful emotions. Here are some examples:
“Today I had an argument with my partner and I felt hurt.”
“Today a meeting got rescheduled and I felt relieved.”
“Today I received news that my friend was ill and I felt worried.”
Of course, this is just the first step in learning how to master painful emotions. There are many great techniques out there, some of which I teach. But the first step is always to name what you’re feeling before using any technique.
Want to explore this topic more with me? Get in touch at renee@reneezaia.com or on 0404 069 806.
